Intro
In the last blog, we discussed “Out With the Old” with the focus on dealing with the real issues behind the old that a person might want to change in a new year. Identifying the actual problem (“I get a lot of emotional comfort from eating.”) behind the surface behavior that is actually a symptom of the real problem (“I eat too much junk food.”). If you don’t correctly identify the problem, the solution or resolution that you come up with is unlikely to work. That is one of the reasons so many New Year’s Resolutions are broken by - well, by January 11th in this case!
My Thoughts
In making changes, it is also important to design a plan for the New that is sensible and achievable. Saying, “I am going to eat healthier.” sounds like a good plan but how do you measure it? How do you know if you have achieved it? It also is easy to slip backward when our goals are too big or too vague. Here are some hints for effective changes that you may want to make, not just for New Years, but at any point in your life
Conclusion
Short term achievement of small goals leads to long term change. Set goals that are easy to achieve and set them for one month. Success in meeting a one month goal is much better than failure after one month of a big, year long goal. Success builds the expectation that future success is not only possible but likely.
Example: "I am going to read 100 books this year" (Big but easy to fall behind)
vs.
"I am going to read 2 books this month" (Small but possible to overachieve! And you can set a slightly bigger goal the next month.)
Accountability is very helpful. Set goals with others who you know care about you and won’t be condemning if you don’t make it. We are built to do life in relationship with others and having good friends or parents that can walk with you in the process of change is almost essential. They will celebrate with you and help you take next steps.
We tend to focus on what we measure. If we set numeral goals, we can measure them easily, and reset as needed. Vague or non-measurable goals are open to our own self-deceit, a skill at which most humans are quite adept!
Example: "I am going to spend less time online each evening." (easy to get around)
vs.
"I am going to limit myself to 60 minutes online each evening and nothing after 9:00 pm." (Somebody reading this needs to actually use this goal!)
Patience and Grace with yourself. Change is hard. We develop habits that become wired into our neurology so much that we don’t even realize what we are doing sometimes. Our brains are amazing and neuroplasticity is real (the brain’s ability to learn new patterns and habits). But change takes work, focus and ultimately risk of failure. If and when you don’t quite make the change you are hoping for, be patient with yourself as you would be with a good friend. You are not a failure. You are a human being trying to become a better version of yourself and you are worth the work, even when it doesn’t succeed every time.